When I look back on 2007 I smile to myself. It was for the most part, an excellent year. My boys are healthy, A Honor Roll, good all around kids. They don't drink or do drugs, they don't lie to me, they actually LIKE me. I've done something right with them, or I've just been very very lucky.
I look back on my year of running and I smile. I had a great year. Somehow I was able to run just under 4000 miles and I didn't injure myself. Somehow I finished 4 100 mile runs when not long ago I couldn't walk a block. Somehow I trained myself mentally and physically to pull it all off. I've never had an injury. Knock Knock!
After DNFing at Superior 100 in 2006 I was very hard on myself. I called myself a loser in front of others. I couldn't believe that I had failed after I had trained so hard. I learned from my Superior experience. I learned that I needed to be mentally tough. Tougher than I had been. I learned that I needed to run hills. THAT is what my training lacked. I sought out the experienced ones and listened to them. I asked 1000s of questions and they didn't turn me away. They let me ask more. Thank you Pierre and Paul, for getting me out to the ski hill to work my ass off. It worked. I thought I was going to freaking die after my first Buck Hill experience. But, as Paul promised, it made me stronger..week after week.
My goals for 2007 were to run McNaughton 100, FANS 100 with a 100 mile goal, Vermont 100 and Superior 100. I finished them all and ran 109.8 at FANS. Running wise, I also wanted to run Ice Age in less than 10 hours. I knew Tom Burr was going to run in 10 and I clung to him for dear life. It was nip and tuck for a while, I almost let him go and almost decided it wasn't worth the effort. But deep down, I knew it was worth the effort. I knew I wasn't going to die, I wasn't hurt, so dig down damnet and get the 10 hours. I did.
You would think that by running 100 miles a week and eating relatively (well, very to most standards) healthy I wouldn't gain weight. Alas, I did. I was eating a bit of sugar here and there, more carbs there and here, and before I knew it I had gained weight.
I was at my 'summer heaviest' of '07 at Superior at 148 pounds. At that time I joined Leanness Lifestyle Elite and again declared myself as a sugar addict that just couldn't enjoy sugar in moderation. It's the truth.
The fat is going, I'm getting stronger and actually growing muscle. At times I find myself rubbing my arms and am shocked at how hard and lean they are. I've lost 21 pounds and will probably lose another 7 in the next few months, UNLESS I lose strength, then I'll maintain where I am. I will not allow a loss of strength or endurance because of restricting calories in effort to lose more fat.
This week I squatted 10 sets of 12 reps at 160 pounds, I can dumb bell press 2 45's for chest, bicep curls on the barbell at 55 pounds, and run 30 miles in deep snow on snowshoes. I'm getting stronger and stronger. Now if I could have someone spot me at the gym, I'd try the 50's for chest. I'm afraid I'll drop them and knock my teeth out. I'll have to stick to the barbell and bench press chest.
On the down side, of course, there is always a down side: Mom's Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer resurfaced after what we thought was 3 years of remission. After a very extensive surgery at Mayo, another session of chemo, she is doing well. Mom and Dad are in Texas for the winter. Golfing, swimming, a 20 mile bike ride today. They are doing well. I'll see them during Spring Break in March when we are enjoying Padre Island. She's going to be OK.
On the down side, I could lose my job. The budget cuts will be finalized in February and my job could be lost. I will survive.
Lastly, as I have eluded to on this blog, I had a horrendous week this last week of 2007.
Steve was picked up for a DWI on the 22nd. Merry Christmas. Yup, it was only a matter of time before he would be picked up and it happened. He has some life changing decisions to make, as do I. I don't know what is going to happen, I don't know where this will lead us but it is the shit that hit the fan, it is the last straw, it is time for change.
We have never been sober together during our marriage. We have been together since we were 16 years old. We drank heavily, together, the first 10 years, then I quit..began drinking again..quit again...he has continued. We've never had a sober relationship.
I wanted to talk with my friends about this in person, before posting it to my blog. I knew I would see them today at Afton and it was so good to talk out loud about this. It was wonderful to see them, to talk with them, to feel their support. Thank you Tom, Nancy, Alicia, Jefferey and Cheri. I really needed you today. I'm grateful for you.
Many of my running friends are alcoholics, as am I. Many of us have dropped one habit, and needed to fill the time that habit took out of our life, with something else. Many of us have opted for running.
Please be patient with me as I sort through this mess. I'll make it. I'm a tough cookie and I will land upon my feet...running.