Thursday, August 25, 2011

Still Sidelined

Last week I felt like I was coming along pretty well. Saturday I even walked a few miles of my running trails out at Lake Maria State Park. Topaz and I didn't have to fight a deer fly or mosquito. I spent a pretty sweet couple of hours out there.

I enjoyed the sunshine upon my face, the nice breeze, the beautiful scents of summer..but I wasn't grateful .

I took a few running steps but my back hurt so I continued walking.

I broke down in tears a few times whining to Topaz "why is this taking so long, why can't I be running..the Dr. told me I could take the prednisone, Aleve and RUN..whining and crying.."

I arrived home that Saturday and just felt down, sad, depressed that I wasn't running. I wasn't in pain. I was walking quite well, some nerve irritation from elbow to finger tip but I was feeling OK. I was disappointed in myself that I probably wouldn't be able to run Superior or the Minneapolis Duathalon.

Sunday I couldn't get out of bed. During the middle of the night Topaz had somehow wedged himself under the bed. I could hear him trying to remove himself, kind of 'paddling' with his front legs but not getting anywhere. I popped out of bed, too quickly I now assume, crawled onto the floor, stretched my arms around his back end and pulled him out. Oh the pain I felt.

I crawled back into bed and realized I was really in pain. Was it the pulling of Topaz? Shit. I couldn't move. I lay there until 5 AM and finally skooched from my bed with horrible nerve pain zinging all over my left chest, elbow to hand and fingers. Ugh. This hurt. My back was throbbing.

Eventually Steve brought me to the ER. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe without pain. The ER Dr. told me that in addition to ruptured discs I probably had a strained or tore rhomboid muscle which is what I originally thought my problem was. I think I may have ripped it while weight training. You know, the 50+ pound DB shoulder shrugs might have been a bit much...

Dr. told me I should take the Oxycodone I had from my hysterectomy every 4 hours and with Oxy, Aleve, muscle relaxant I should try running because movement is good for me. I looked at him like he had two heads. Run, really? I couldn't walk much less run. Forget running. I want to walk and feel human again. Sheesh. Forget the Oxy. I'm an alcoholic, I don't need to become addicted to something else.

He discharged me after x rays, making sure that there were no bone splinters or whatever else it was that he was looking for. I couldn't believe a torn rhomboid could hurt so much.

Monday I decided to try a chiropractor. It hurt. He told me my neck was probably sprained. Good grief. My neck was stiff because I was over compensating with my neck for my sore back. Tuesday I was too sore to even go into work. Carol, bless her heart, gave me another massage that made me feel human again. Back to chiro yesterday for another adjustment but I noticed after that adjustment and today that the chiro just irritates the muscle. The nerve pain is out of this world. I hold my arm across my stomach, this settles the nerves some. I can't stand it.

I begin PT on Tuesday. I'm hoping the PT will give me a thorough examination and find out what is really going on here. I imagine it is both ripped rhomboid and herniated discs. I guess it doesn't matter how it happened, just that I heal.

I feel foolish for not enjoying my walk through the woods that beautiful Saturday last week. I feel like my whole world had changed since then. The pain, the frustration, the lack of activity, it is something that is foreign to me.

I am trying to forgive myself for not being grateful for enjoying the little things in life. Walking, the woods, being pain free. You would have thought I would be super grateful for every painfree step I had since my hysterectomy was only 7 months ago. Funny how quickly I forgot. I guess I needed a reminder.

I remember.

7 comments:

Raidergwen said...

Julie - I just finished my first 1 mile walk post-hysterectomy (8/23). I've found your blog very helpful and inspirational. Reading about your set-back, I'd advise you to go a little easier on yourself. Sometimes recovery isn't a perfect 'V' shape. Take it easy, take the medication (you can't heal and be in pain at the same time). Best, G

Julie B said...

Thanks Gwen and congratulations on your recovery! Yes you are right, I need to cut myself some slack. Normally I am quite sane and positive. Once in a great while I have an off day. Cheers to recovery!!

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Happy said...

Please consider Svaroopa yoga. It really works wonders with back stuff. And it's very relaxing, too.

Julie B said...

Happy, I do love yoga! Thanks for the suggestion. I had been attending CorePower yoga for a few months before this took place. I have been practicing Vinyasa. I can't wait to get back to it!

Londell said...

Keep taking it with care. Prayers with you.

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Happy, I do love yoga!